Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
