I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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