we have officially lost it.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
