My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
