I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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