Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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