so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
