After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
