So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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