I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
