Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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