Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
