So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
