I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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