Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
