It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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