dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize