making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
