wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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