Why are handjobs necessary in class?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
