I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
