I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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