I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
