I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
