dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize