Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The ass gains better be worth it
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