I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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