i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
