I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
