do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A bitchslap is in order.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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