so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
