Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
