your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
