Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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