after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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