We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This house was built for laser tag.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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