apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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