I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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