Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
