My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
