No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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