When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Your cock deserves a montage
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
