The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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