I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
