he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
