I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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