Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
