am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
