dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
