11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
