im drinking this country out of the recession.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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