Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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