And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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