There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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