I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
