Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
