Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
