Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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