you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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