You just made me feel so damn special
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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