I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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