I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
