If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
