So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
