The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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