New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
