she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
