Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
