FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
