it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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