There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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