My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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