You're completely useless in the revolution.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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