I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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